Two month mark

Here it is almost 2 months since I moved out and came out.  I'm getting used to living alone.  In fact, I rather enjoy it.  I'm developing some good habits about housekeeping and have only ONCE ordered Delivery Pizza.  Have what I consider great news to share.  FINALLY got it through to her that I wasn't the only one to blame for this situation.  In fact, with a lot of effort, my therapist showed me that in fact I had been the victim of some serious psychological abuse from her for many many years.  After quite awhile, I was able to make my wife see that.  I finally got what I wanted from her regarding that.  I heartfelt apology for the way she had treated me and for the pain she has caused me. 

I would like to think she really meant it.  I would also love to know if she was really as unaware of it as she claims.  BUT, I am not going to pursue it.  It was kind of funny how it came about.  I had prepared this long email to her brother detailing what I felt were the issues/problems.  I wanted her to read it before I sent it.  She was getting ready to have knee replacement surgery the next day.  I admit to wanting to ruin her peace.  Only because she said she didn't want to discuss my pain because she was going to have surgery.  And that was over a week before the surgery.  In the letter (which was really meant for her to read) I went over the examples of her abuse over the years and pointed out that while she wanted honesty, her whole family kept secrets.  I don't mean little ones either.  All the makings of a good soap opera.  Previous wives and children.  Felony convictions and abortion.  I hated to have to go the heavy drama route but experience has shown me it is the only way to get her to take me seriously!  A point I covered in the email. 

After the surgery, I went by to see her of course.  She said "go ahead and send as is"  I asked if she were sure.  I asked twice.  When I mentioned a couple of the bombshells in the letter her comment was that they weren't in there.  I finally had to ask if she had actually read it.  She said she had but I can't believe she would have risked her brother asking her mother about some of the secrets.   I asked her if she finally understood what I was talking about.  She said she was beginning to.  Progress!!!  So, last Friday, I brought up the subject again.  One friend said I was beating a dead horse, but it was important to me.  After hitting close to things, she stopped texting.  I had asked her if she felt any guilt at all. She said yes.  I asked her if she felt guilty about the treatment she gave me.  Because that was REALLY the only thing she was guilty of.  When she didn't answer I went, in her words, ballistic.  I sent off some very nasty texts etc.  Finally she texted back that she was feeling sick and had gone to sleep for 3 hours.  I apologized of course.  I mean I was very wrong.  But, I pointed out that I was figuring she was falling back on her old patterns.  THAT rung the bell for her.  Amazing to me in a way.  That was all I had to say???  Anyway, she apologized.  I was so happy.  Still am.  She made a comment that she would remember how I went ballistic when falling into old patterns.  At first I thought that was a threat, so I didn't say anything at all.  I realized that what she meant was she wasn't going to do it again.  I know she will of course, but I will try very hard to remember that all I have to do is remind her that we don't use any of the old methods any more.  Too painful for us.  Funny when I pointed that out, she more than agreed.  We may survive this after all.  I did not send the letter btw. 
On other fronts, I learned a few lessons the hard way. 
Be careful with shaving and depilatories.  Do research first. 
Don't fall asleep with a cock ring on.

Another thing that happened was I went for a physical.  Long overdue.  The reason overdue was I really connected with my nurse practioner.  He spent time doing the physical and listened when I spoke.  The new doctor I had only met briefly with emergency type things like tendonitis and muscle spasms.  Turns out, he is every bit as good as Gene was.  His first comment was on the weight loss.  Great he said.  Well, not really I corrected.  Of course he looked at me funny so I explained how I had moved out.  Then told him "in the interest of full disclosure and believing you don't like to your priest, bartender or doctor, I also told my wife I was probably gay two weeks after that.  He was amazing.  Didn't get all strange for example.  We did discuss the health implications etc.  Suggested I get a Hepatitis A vaccination.  Digress here for moment:  Anyone have male/male sex should get this.  Seems it is at greater frequency.  He also felt the need to discuss safe sex.  I already knew that of course and he was pleased.  But I do have to share the funniest part of the whole physical.  Funny in a way he didn't pick up on yet.   He starts the prostate exam and just as he would have with anyone else, he says the usual MD jargon "there will be some pressure etc"  Considering the previous conversation, I just found it humorous.  If it had been Gene doing that after the conversation (I never told him) I would have said something like "Really Gene?  Think that finger is bigger than what I have already tried?"  Yes, I have a warped sense of humor.  And believe me Gene would have laughed.  If I ever run into him I will have to tell him about it.  After all, once he asked me if anyone had done an exam on me lately.  My response?  I batted my eyes and said "just you Gene"  LOL

Finally I have to say my local bar had an undies night.  It was hilarious.  Good turnout.  Some nice eye candy and I couldn't believe I worked up the courage to fully participate.  With specially bought underwear of course. 

Take care everyone.

Request

A while back, I said I would tell any guy in my position that it does get better and coming out to wife and family is a good thing.  In that vein, I am passing on a video that was sent to me.  No, it isn't about someone in my position, but it is an important point.  So important, that when he requested I put in a blog post, I said I would.  And to be honest, I haven't learned enough about Blog posts to use HTML.  Buddy, you will have to email me with tips.  LOL .
  I also told my anonymous friend, that even before I figured out how to put the link in my blog (BTW, he lives in a country where it can be a death sentence to be gay) I was going to put link to my Facebook page.  I'm not "out" to the general public yet and may never be, but I felt this video was so powerful and important that it was necessary.  Marriage equality is an important civil right.  Why?  Because in the case of this video, the deceased wishes were NOT carried out.  I cannot think of anything more important that those wishes!  How would any of US feel if we knew our wishes weren't going to be carried out? 

As much as I stressed over my situation, it pales in comparison to this one.  PLEASE spread the word.  If you are out, put it on your FB page.  If you aren't try and think of a way to publicize it.  A "I found this interesting" would help.  If we can get all the thinking feeling people to see it, we WILL make a difference.  The close minded bigots are really a small minority!  Don't let them continue to win.
Thank you.

From a friend Please share.