No more doubts

Well it has been an interesting time since last I wrote.  Went to a wedding with a liberal preacher who STILL droned on about man and woman being united.   Pity really but expected.

Flash forward to this weekend.  I haven’t mentioned my friend before.  She is a dear friend and after knowing her 30 years, I came out to her in February 2011 at our yearly vacation together.  Dee (not real name at her request) and I have been flirting for years and years.  The year before I came out to her, I had tried to tell her while we were on our usual yearly vacation.  Only got has far as letting her know I wasn’t happy.  Apparently, she thought I was leading her on.  She thought I wanted to go a step further than flirting.  We both laugh at that now.  I have spent the last months coaching her for a ½ marathon run.  Well, this weekend was the run and it involved going out of town.   Let me go over the original plans.  We reserved a room with a queen’s size bed and 2 singles for me, her and my best friend (male) who she is getting along with very very well.   To make long story short, he couldn’t make it at the last minute. 

Bob and I have been “friends” for many years so what happens next was okay with him.  I think so anyway.  As the song goes, one thing leads to another and the next thing you know, in bed naked and making love.  Now onto the title.  IF I had any doubts about being gay, they have been dispelled forever.  While Dee is very creative and we had a good time both nights and this morning, as I told her, if she had a cock, she would have been perfect.  I really kept thinking of my friend’s cock and how much I wanted it.  It was an eye opener.  True I often fantasized about men while having sex with my wife, but I chalked it up to the boredom of sex after so many years with same partner.  Now I know better:  I am gay.  Dee was funny about it of course.  But didn’t mind in the least and discovered that sex with a gay guy can still be a lot of fun.  LOL

Here is the other thing I have finally found a way to explain a theory I have about male sexuality.  I guess I should ask Bi Guy to read and comment on it.  For those who knew about leaves and the color changes they exhibit, I have a metaphor that fits.  Okay, we all know that leaves have their beautiful colors all the time.  The reason we don’t see them is that the chlorophyll blocks it and all we see is the green.  In the fall, the chlorophyll production stops and we see the colors.  Some would say the true colors.  Now to bring that to a situation that many readers here can relate to:  We are gay by nature but our upbringing and our culture are the chlorophyll.  If we live in a climate where the chlorophyll continues to be produced we stay heterosexual.  That climate could range from regular affection and sex from a wife or loved one or such a repressive culture that forbids it.  Once the fall sets in, like no sex at home or culture is more forgiven or even availability of porn through the ‘net, the underlying colors will start to shine through.   Now, does that mean all males fit this metaphor.  Good question and one I would like to suggest that be someone studies that.  Just haven’t a clue as to how to proceed.  To begin with, I suppose one could study the formally married guys here.  Then perhaps study a large group of men who consider themselves straight and check back in 20 years.  Won’t help me know since I doubt I will be around to read the paper produced but it could be a wonderful tool for those in the situation and the ones they love.

On a more personal note.  I have a new friend and we have become very close.  He is very sweet and says I boost his self esteem.  He certainly does that for me.  I don't know where this will lead.  We are moving rather fast.  He "jokingly" proposed to me.  That was a little strange.  My first thought was wait, I am the guy.  Then I realized so is he.  LOL  Keep you posted on that.   

Appears that "No clue" is still residing at the home residence.  I find it hard to believe, I have been dropping hints for awhile.  Any chance wife doesn't want to know?  So, what happens when I come clean and she cannot deny any more?