Not too bad actually

Well, we had are session with therapist today.  I am embarassed to say I blubbered like a baby during it.  But it was cathartic.  My wife realized that she played a role.  NO, I did not come out yet.  Therapist said to take it slow so I did.  Almost spilled the beans when I thought she was about to ask.  She was apparently both clueless and aware at the same time!  That is a feat!!!.  Lots of tears when I said I had to move out.  She understands why on a level though.  I so dreaded going back to work.  Then I dreaded the drive home.  Got there before she did though and thought "okay, I can be passed out with luck"  I know, terrible.  Kids came by, thought "okay, I won't have to discuss anything".  Then they left and she came home.  We talked, cried and realized it is a passage we MUST take.  She is truly amazing.  Without my going into some of the problems, she took responsibility for some of the problems.  I still felt aweful and kept apologizing.  She said it was her fault as well.  I so wanted to come forth with more information.  But I really do think (or am I kidding myself) that she isn't ready yet.  Damn I hate we are both analytical at times.  Guess what her first comment was at therapist?  Furniture, we need to figure out what you will do for furniture.  Steve later described her as stoic!  Ya think?  And before anyone thinks she is an ice princess, she isn't, it was her way of dealing with things.  Hours later when we were both home, we talked more.  How I dreaded that, but it was okay.  Really.  I am beginning to think we can come through this stronger like she said.  But then, she still has another shoe to drop. 

Anyone know a way I can go back in time say about 3 years?  YES, I know I made a big step, Yes, I know it is for the best.  But damn, what do I do later when more comes out???? 

God I hate drama, and yet, I seem to be destined to live in it.

But OTOH, she is one amazing woman!!