Baby steps, Big steps

Well, it has been a long time since I have written anything.  I wish I could say it has been calm and serene.  But that wouldn't be real life now would it?
Wife and I had big ski trip planned to Sweden in February.  We were going to go with friends, including a lovely lady from Denmark who had been our exchange student 20+ years ago.  She has a little boy now who we consider a grandson.  So far so good.  But then in January, my wife has a very bad ski fall and tears up her knee.  I am ashamed to admit this, but my first thought when I found out she needed surgery was "damn, that throws my time table right out the damn window." 
   Here I was afraid I would chicken out and had steeled myself to complete the task set and I feel like I cannot at this time.  I need to be there for her.  So, no bombshell.  Now, 2 months later, surgery still isn't scheduled.  I have been continuing to go to therapy and we have come up with a plan B.  Which may actually be better than my original one.  My therapist Steve, suggested that I approach this with small steps.  So to begin with, I will just say I need a sabbatical.  In that vein, I have taken a very big step.  I signed a lease on an apartment and will be moving out in 8 weeks!  I am very excited and terrified at the same time.  Hopefully, when I discuss this with her in 2 weeks at therapist office, this way will be less painful.  Steve says (and I agree) that there is no need to tell her I am gay just yet.  Of course I will have to tell her because I don't want anyone else to tell her.  That would be so wrong.  She has done nothing to deserve that kind of thing.  Steve has also talked to me about the possibility of us getting together and living as friends after the sabbatical if she wants to and I want to after the year of therapy for both of us.  That is the really great thing about Steve, he wants to be there for her as much as for me. 
   It is going to be big changes for both of us but the bottom line is I have to do this.  I will lose my mind if I don't.  The stress over the last couple of months has started to adversely affect my health, work and life in ways I couldn't have imagined.  When I signed the lease on tuesday, I was shaking so badly it was hard to sign the check.  I knew at that moment there was no turning back.  And all in all, I am glad I have forced myself this way.  And this time delay will prove to be a good thing.  Thanks to everyone who has written to show support.  I don't think I would have lasted this long without it.  Special thanks to Will.  His comment to last blog yesterday couldn't have been more timely and welcomed.  It is the main reason I felt I could write today.  Next weekend I have already made plans to get away with some friends skiing, all who know the situation so I should have the support I need to help me the following Friday.  I just hope they show up.  LOL
Have a great day.  I have been told it gets better and I am trying hard to really believe it.