Well it has been a week since the news. Like everything else, it has been a roller coaster. Hate to keep using that metaphor, but it so fits things.
At first she was fine. No rush to do anything like splitting up stuff. Monday, I get text that indicates she is not fine anymore. Don't get me wrong. I know that she will be all over the place. But it is dizzying at times. I finally get her to agree to at least come talk to me. We talk for another 2 hours and I think she is okay again. Till the next time. I am not complaining about what she is feeling, that is to be expected. I just don't want her to do anything she will regret later.
Saturday after I told her, she was getting her hair/nails done. I had mine cut earlier and waited around to see her. Well as near as I can figure, she was discussing the separation with her friend there. One of the others overheard and asked her to go outside to talk with her. THEN she came right out and asked her if I was GAY!! She never answered but it appears this lady always thought I was gay. Nosy busybody. I didn't learn about this until Monday btw. I have to say that I did love the text wife sent me the next day. And I quote "We will work out what works best for us. Fuck all others" I hope she can hold onto that thought. For her sake as much as mine. We have built up assets over the years that we want to leave our kids. NOT the lawyers. Or sell at fire sale prices. Sounds crass I guess, but we worked very hard for them. I hope well meaning people will just let the two of us handle things.
All things considered, it sounds like things are going well.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very obvious point, but I have to say it anyway: now is not the time for you to mention men or dating. She might bring it up and give you the impression that she's ready to hear your plans but chances are she is not. You need to wait for a "new normal" to settle in and that can easily take a year or longer.
Thanks for keeping us updated.
Thanks. We actually did discuss dating. She said I could, but she didn't want to know details. And believe me, she won't. Not from me anyway. As I told her at the beginning: I haven't been faithful and lets leave it at that. Funny, one of my very good friends (probably the only male I have ever met who I am convinced is very straight) has asked me some "inappropriate" questions. On the one hand, it was awkward. OTOH, it was somewhat flattering he felt he could. You would have to know him to really appreciate the humor. Sean does know him and can verify that. LOL
ReplyDeleteHi - sorry, crazy times around here and I apologize for not being in touch. Sounds like things are going perfectly normally! One thing I recently reminded my husband - denial is not a stage we complete and move on from. Denial comes back around in loops. I can be in a therapy session with him, discuss some plans, and then later on that night have to ask him what exactly we decided. He was annoyed at first until I explained that denial functions to protect us from overwhelming ourselves with information we aren't ready for yet. Now he knows not to get angry as if I wasn't paying attention, but to carefully repeat something I am confused about.
ReplyDeleteFor example - "I need to spend a night or two away from the house because I have to work on my personal issues" can turn into "I need to be away from the house several nights a week because I don't love you anymore and you make me crazy"....see what I'm talking about? :-)
I also found that both of us could text what we couldn't often say. I said some very regretful things over text. It's been 7 months now and it's getting better. Still no final resolutions, but like your wife says - you've got to do what is best for the two of you, that's all.
Wishing you all the best,
Iris